Ring of discontent

I’VE been having sleepless nights. Besides being six months pregnant (with my second child), I am having serious doubts about the very nature of my marriage.
My husband and I had a whirlwind romance and decided very early on in the courtship to get married. But a week before the wedding, he tearfully confessed that he had major financial problems, and wanted to postpone the event. I was shocked because there was never any indication of that earlier. No doubt, we had only been together for three months, and I never asked about his finances as he was independent and so was I.
I was hysterical when he suggested a postponement because I couldn’t face my parents, family and community. Plus, we were madly in love. Somehow, I managed to reassure (convince/manipulate?) him that we’d be all right and to go ahead with the wedding.
Three years on, we are still very much in love and have sorted out our finances. On that level, I am secure. But I can’t help but have this niggling doubt about my husband’s last minute ? cold feet?
Did I inadvertently force him to marry me? Was he actually trying to get out of it? I can’t bring myself to ask him that now. He’d say I am being ridiculous or paranoid! But it’s eating me up inside. My husband is a loving, kind-hearted and generous man. We have a happy marriage, but I just can’t find the words to ask him about this one thing.
Another thing: at that time, he didn’t have the money for the rings, so I bought two simple wedding bands for us and he promised to buy me a proper diamond wedding ring when he was able to. He has been able to for a while now, but something more important always crops up to pre-empt this purchase – like renovating the house, landscaping the garden, or buying a second car and a high-tech sound system for our home.
We are so much better off now than when we started out. Is he not buying the ring because he never wanted to marry me in the first place? The “financial problems” he had before our wedding weren’t really that bad. Am I going insane? Are my hormones raging?
Sleepless in Segambut

YOU are surely not insane as you are aware that your hormones are probably to blame here. And deep in your heart, you know that your husband loves you dearly despite his not having bought you the “proper” wedding ring.
However, it will not help if you continue to fret and stew in silence. Your baby needs a happy, contented mother. So do not be afraid to speak your mind as only your husband can offer the assurance you need to hear and know. He probably had cold feet just before the wedding when faced with the huge responsibility of marriage. He wasn’t trying to get out of marrying you, but he must have panicked over his dire financial straits and the need to take care of the woman he loves.
Pregnancy can create havoc with our emotions. The highs and lows are quite normal but you should talk about this with your gynaecologist if you feel constantly depressed and suffer doubts about your relationship. Depression affects some pregnant women and you must not feel that you are the problem.
Do not be afraid to assert your feelings when necessary. You must learn to talk and communicate with your husband to clear your heart and mind of fears and insecurities. A marriage will not fare well if you harbour doubts of your man’s love and sincerity.
Don’t wait and wonder. Take him to the jewellers’ and pick the ring you know you can now afford. He is not the first man to place other things as priority after marriage. Put the sparkle back in life and know that you are loved and cherished.