No trapping an old fox

I’VE been divorced for 12 years and have a kid. I have struggled hard since becoming a single parent and now hold a secure job, and have a car and house of my own.
I met A, a widower, five years and we get along well. In fact, we’re very much in love. He lives with his mother and two grown-up children. But whenever I mention marriage, he just says, “Wait”.
I have had two abortions. The second was a year ago, because he and his mum promised that there would be a marriage after I aborted our baby. I was stupid enough to listen to them.
I have told A many times that he cheated me on that. But I know he really loves me. I don’t take any money from him.
What else does he need from me? I come from a respectable family. How long am I to tolerate all this? He’s in his late 50s and I’m in my early 40s.
So far, he has never met my kid – he doesn’t want to. My siblings keep pushing me to marry, but no one has ever confronted A. Even my kid is pushing me towards marriage.
I’m really tired of this man. His siblings accuse me of being after his wealth. (I heard about this from a friend.) As a result of all this, I have hypertension and my health is giving way.
I’d suffered enough with my ex-husband, a gambler. I don’t want to fall again. I’m sick of the way A has been treating me these last five years: his excuses are always his mum, who’s 80, his kids, and his siblings, who are married.
I’ve had sleepless nights hoping that someday, I will be his wife. I have sacrificed a lot for him and I feel helpless now.
Depressed Single Mother

IF this man had never cared to meet your kid and insisted on aborting his own child, he must have reasons not to get married. A man in love would not be so cold and heartless.
You can go on hoping to be his wife. You can continue to make sacrifices, and allow your health to deteriorate and suffer sleepless nights. But this man will try to avoid the commitment of marriage and responsibility. His family seems to encourage this and you are at the losing end. Frankly, why bother to push for marriage with someone who seems so insincere and uninterested?
While you believe that he truly loves you, he has done nothing to earn your trust. Sure, you are financially independent and capable. But neither has he offered more than sex and empty promises.
However, if you think that having him around is better than not, then accept the situation. You have been waiting five long years and, hopefully, he is too old to keep you on the sidelines. But again, his children are all grown up and they may resent a stepmother and half-siblings in their father’s life.
If wealth were an issue, who would want to lose his share? You have already gone through much in life. Now should not be the time for heartache and disillusion. In your heart, you know that you will not be able to force this man to marry you. This relationship has always been on his terms, according to his wishes. He is using you selfishly, without regard for your hopes and feelings.
Sometimes, it may be easier to enjoy a relationship without any complications. Accept this man and do not bother to harbour more false hopes.
Raise your child with love, not in an environment darkened by your own hurt and insecurities. Take precautions and do not get pregnant. You can never trap an old fox. Remember, too, that abortion is the heartless killing of your own flesh and blood.