Best not to blame yourself

I READ with sorrow those letters about people betrayed by their partners. My hubby cheated on me for almost a year and I only found out six months after the affair had ended. I’ve always being a good wife and mother to our three beautiful children.
We are both in our late 40s. I just couldn’t believe my eyes when I read his love mail to this girl 24 years his junior. Till now, I am not able to forget those images of him in bed with her and all his pretence while with me.
By the way, he only comes back once a month for 12 days as he is working overseas.
Most Pain

MANY women have written in to share the same pain of trust lost and love betrayed. It is difficult to accept that the man you have been married to for so long can do this to you.
After finding out, you ask yourself over and over again what you should do. Even as your heart tells you to forgive, the bile rises from your gut as your mind mocks you with images of him with her. Then you try to be reasonable and practical, for the sake of the children.
And deep inside, perhaps you blame yourself the most. Do you deserve this? Have you aged, lost your looks and attraction so that he has to seek his pleasure with someone younger and more desirable? Perhaps, too, it’s your fault that he has to make a living so far from home?
Try to stop this self-torture and ask if he still loves you and the family. If he has stopped the affair and begged for forgiveness, do you trust that it is truly over? Can you live with the pain, smile and hold him, kiss and love him even as your heart beats with rage and anger?
You cannot find peace of mind until you can forgive him and yourself. When you start blaming and looking for reasons, there will be too many questions to answer. Some women leave because they feel the marriage has been empty and cold for longer than the affair. Some have managed to rebuild their relationships
and sometimes, end up happily ever after.
It is always better for the marriage if you can swallow the hurt and get on without recriminations, accusations and suspicion. Take steps to ensure that he has no chance to stray. Can he arrange for the family to be with him where he works? Or can he ask for a transfer back so that he is free from loneliness?
Reconciliation is the toughest part. You must learn patience and bear with the darkness in your heart until his love can help ease your pain.
But hang in there if there is love left in your marriage. Never give up without a good fight.