Nothing to live for

I LOST both my parents when I was a teenager. A few years later, upon graduation and after having gone out with a wonderful guy for two years, we got married. I had yet to bear a child with my husband when he was diagnosed with a terminal disease. He succumbed to it in less than a year, and ever since, I have been a widow.
The loss of these three most important persons in my life happened within 15 years. In walking through these journeys of grief, I resorted to several ways to strengthen myself, psychologically and spiritually, for instance by reading books on how to deal with grief, attending counselling sessions and even threw myself into my career.
But the pessimism in me is still overwhelming. I have lost faith in religion, in people and in life. When I look around at people who are almost the same age as me, who are pampered with parental love and surrounded by spouses and children, I feel singled out for punishment.
Maybe you can call this deprivation of love but I just cannot stop myself from seeing life from this angle. When I look back at my life for the past 40 years, all I can see are turbulence, loss and uncertainties.
Now, almost every day, when I open my eyes in the morning, I feel the dreadfulness and heaviness. In other words, I do not know how to enjoy life anymore. There is no bed of roses, green grass and rainbow along my path. To me, life is as hard as the rocks in the garden.
Lavender

Don’t give up on life just yet. Up till now, you have managed your pain and grief better than most. You will be doing yourself a great injustice if you turn your back on love, faith and hope now.
Of course, it’s tough being alone and lonely. When others around you seem to be sharing rich, fulfilled lives, you have no one. Despite your earlier strength and determination, you seem to have lost your zest and drive. Opening your eyes in the morning feels a curse, and tomorrow is another day to dread.
You must snap out of your present state of mind or you will drag yourself down. Try to focus on something to give yourself a reason to live. Many people have turned to charity, acting, hobbies or adoption. Keeping busy with a purpose is important so that you do not feel empty and lost.
Be positive and do not allow dark thoughts to cloud your days and nights. Telling yourself that there is nothing to look forward to, that life is hard and bleak, will not help you to attain happiness and sustain hope. You can talk yourself into depression and kill the bright, strong woman who dared challenge grief.
Your parents and husband would not have wished this sadness and hopelessness for you. They would have wanted you to continue life as if they were here to guide you, love and help you. Love never dies. Think of loved ones and do not disappoint them.