Better alone than unwanted

THREE years ago, my husband brought a woman home and bedded her for two nights. This happened while I was away at a course. My maid let the cat out of the bag. He was remorseful and I forgave him.
Four months back, he brought another woman home the night he sent me to the airport. This time, my mom “caught” him with the lady in the house.
He confessed, but this time, he wasn’t remorseful at all. He said he had not been happy with me for a long time and he wants to leave me, whether or not he had another woman in his life. He said he’s happy to do whatever he pleases, whenever he pleases, with whomever he pleases. But his face didn’t reflect his happiness.
We’ve been married for 26 years and are blessed with two wonderful, smart children. I had been happy and my husband’s actions are really devastating. I am still hopelessly in love with him and can’t stop thinking about and dreaming of him.
We started sleeping in different rooms. But for the past two weeks, he has not been sleeping at home. He has been to see a lawyer and is demanding a divorce. Both the women whom he’d been courting are married with children.
It gets very empty and lonely at home without my children, who are away working and studying.
I’ve tried getting my husband’s close friends and relatives to advise him, but in vain. He knows that I want him back in my life, but he’s adamant to divorce me.
The children are angry and fed up with their dad and have asked me to move on. That is painful and very hard for me to do. During the day, it’s easy to programme my life and fill it with activities. But when night comes ... my love for him just won’t die!
Tired of Begging

AFTER 26 years together, it’s not easy adjusting to life without a partner.
He might have been cold, callous and guilty of betraying your love and trust. Yet you feel that you cannot let him go without a fight.
However, you need to ask yourself when the love died for him.
What happened in your marriage that caused his defiant affairs? Bringing other women home, making love on your matrimonial bed and getting caught, deliberately, sends out a strong message. He wants to get out of the marriage, but probably hopes that you will kick him out.
If you still want to fight for your man, think of what you can do to change his mind. His actions were cruel and mean. He did not bother to spare you pain and hurt. He told you blatantly that he does not love you any more. He has moved out and is seeking a divorce, without caring for your feelings. Can you move his cold and empty heart with your love and passion?
Try to get him back, if you must. But be warned that the pain could get worse should he reject you again.
Perhaps he should be left alone until he realises how lonely it can be without wife and children, love and support.
Perhaps you need to learn to live for yourself, not for a man who does not care.
There are support groups for women like you. Share their experiences and understand that you can heal.
The nights will be less intimidating when you feel more secure about yourself. You can live without a man who no longer loves you.