Tangled mess
I AM over 40 and have two children and a working wife. We were happy before moving into our new condominium in 2001. Since then, life has become a mess and my wife and I quarrel every day, over minor issues. She always beats me but I can’t lay hands on a woman.
I used to have lots of friends, but not any more. After work every day, I stay home and can’t go anywhere because my wife still suspects that I’m having an affair with a younger girl.
Soon after our problems began, I got to know a girl young enough to be my daughter via the chatroom. We chatted occasionally, then lost touch. I met her online again in 2004 and things started from there.
I lied to her about my age and marital status. Eventually, we met in her hometown and clicked instantly. I felt comfortable with her and our love grew. We started meeting every month and had intimate moments, but I never made love to her because I knew she had no future with me.
In the last few years, I have had to face financials problems. So when my company offered the Voluntary Separation Scheme, I took it and got about RM100,000. I wanted to start a business with a friend, but he cheated me of RM40,000 and my plans fell through.
To overcome the loss, I started betting on horses and football matches. I lost all my money and had to borrow from friends and family. I got a job early this year but still cannot repay all my debts.
Recently, I had a big fight with my wife. Every time she beats me, I will ask for a divorce. But I’ve always stayed because of my children.
My girlfriend does not know about my financial problems. Our relationship is strained because I cannot be with her when she needs me. I have told her she is free to look for another guy – I would never stop her.
Now, a guy has confessed that he likes her and she has accepted him. I gave her my blessings even though I felt so hurt. I feel there’s no point in living any more as I can’t handle the pressure and problems. I don’t know when I will break down and do something silly.
Messy Life
DEATH is a coward’s way out. True, it’s easy to think of killing yourself to end all your problems. But suicide would leave a bigger mess for your wife and children to live with.
You are a good person and it is unfor-tunate that things took such so many bad turns. However, had you been stronger and tried dealing with the problems instead of seeking escape, you would not be stuck with debts and heartache. Forget your girlfriend and wish her well as she deserves a man who is free to love and marry her.
With your new job and the opportunity to start again, list down your problems and think of ways to resolve them. Plan a payment schedule to settle your debts. Ask yourself what had gone wrong in your marriage for you were happy before you moved. Your problems seem to have started since moving into the condo. What could be causing so much friction and tension between you and your wife? Should you move out and try a different environment?
Do not just think of divorce. Talk to your wife and try to patch up your marriage. You both love the children and have strong reasons to make the relationship work. If your wife has been jealous and suspicious, she obviously cares about you more than you believe. Truth is, you did stray. Now, you must convince your wife that you love her and want to make things better for her and the family.
Stop running away from problems. Be strong for yourself and loved ones. Deal with the issues with hope and determination. Life will be brighter and better when you can take pride in yourself again.
I used to have lots of friends, but not any more. After work every day, I stay home and can’t go anywhere because my wife still suspects that I’m having an affair with a younger girl.
Soon after our problems began, I got to know a girl young enough to be my daughter via the chatroom. We chatted occasionally, then lost touch. I met her online again in 2004 and things started from there.
I lied to her about my age and marital status. Eventually, we met in her hometown and clicked instantly. I felt comfortable with her and our love grew. We started meeting every month and had intimate moments, but I never made love to her because I knew she had no future with me.
In the last few years, I have had to face financials problems. So when my company offered the Voluntary Separation Scheme, I took it and got about RM100,000. I wanted to start a business with a friend, but he cheated me of RM40,000 and my plans fell through.
To overcome the loss, I started betting on horses and football matches. I lost all my money and had to borrow from friends and family. I got a job early this year but still cannot repay all my debts.
Recently, I had a big fight with my wife. Every time she beats me, I will ask for a divorce. But I’ve always stayed because of my children.
My girlfriend does not know about my financial problems. Our relationship is strained because I cannot be with her when she needs me. I have told her she is free to look for another guy – I would never stop her.
Now, a guy has confessed that he likes her and she has accepted him. I gave her my blessings even though I felt so hurt. I feel there’s no point in living any more as I can’t handle the pressure and problems. I don’t know when I will break down and do something silly.
Messy Life
DEATH is a coward’s way out. True, it’s easy to think of killing yourself to end all your problems. But suicide would leave a bigger mess for your wife and children to live with.
You are a good person and it is unfor-tunate that things took such so many bad turns. However, had you been stronger and tried dealing with the problems instead of seeking escape, you would not be stuck with debts and heartache. Forget your girlfriend and wish her well as she deserves a man who is free to love and marry her.
With your new job and the opportunity to start again, list down your problems and think of ways to resolve them. Plan a payment schedule to settle your debts. Ask yourself what had gone wrong in your marriage for you were happy before you moved. Your problems seem to have started since moving into the condo. What could be causing so much friction and tension between you and your wife? Should you move out and try a different environment?
Do not just think of divorce. Talk to your wife and try to patch up your marriage. You both love the children and have strong reasons to make the relationship work. If your wife has been jealous and suspicious, she obviously cares about you more than you believe. Truth is, you did stray. Now, you must convince your wife that you love her and want to make things better for her and the family.
Stop running away from problems. Be strong for yourself and loved ones. Deal with the issues with hope and determination. Life will be brighter and better when you can take pride in yourself again.
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