Put back the passion
I HAVE fallen out of love with my husband. We have a year-old daughter and live with his family. I work hard to maintain the passion in our marriage, but my husband has never taken it really seriously. Whenever I tell him or argue with him about this, he will give excuses. Then he will promise to change. But he is not persistent and in the end, nothing happens.
I like to get intimate with my husband and have made many such attempts. Sometimes I succeed, but many times I fail. Take a simple thing like getting him to pay attention to me: he always can’t wait to get back to his laptop.
After all these years, the only thing he does that I appreciate is that he is willing to take care of our daughter. When I think of him as my husband, I feel like crying.
Once, I told him to look for someone to love and who will love him. He said he still loved me very much, even though he didn’t show it. Words but no action? Does this make him someone I can trust?
Whenever I tell my close friends about my problem, they judge me because my husband gives the impression that he is a nice guy. I am a woman who needs to be understood. Most of the time I even help him out financially although I earn much less than him. I feel very insecure and hopeless.
I had been ignoring my feelings because I didn’t want to believe that I could fall out of love with my husband. The more I tried, the more pain I felt. The worst thing was that I began seeing a married man. He used to be the sweetest man I’d ever met; he gave me hope and a sense of living like a woman. He loved me like a woman and did everything to make me feel better.
But good things never last. When he found out that his wife was pregnant, he felt bad and decided to be a good father.
I want to live better, but my heart aches. I have to be happy in front of my daughter, and that’s so suffocating. Many times I cry and pray to god to take me away.
Doomed
YOU are doomed because you wish it. You have been feeling so sorry for yourself, wallowing in pain and grief because of your dull, empty marriage and failed affair. No one understands and even God has not answered your prayer for death. You feel alone and miserable as your tears fall unheard and your pain goes unheeded.
Maybe you should stop thinking of yourself for a while. Your daughter is only a year old and needs a warm, loving mother. Your husband needs a wife who understands that he has work and career concerns. If he has been oblivious to your charms and attention, perhaps he is just working hard to give you the financial security you expect.
As you have found out, few would feel sorry for you. Your husband is a nice guy, a good father who loves you and your child. Certainly, he has his faults for he has failed to recognise your emotional and physical needs. But he hasn’t been playing around and his greatest mistake was neglecting you when you needed him most.
However, you have sufficient reasons to leave and even a good enough excuse to have an affair. You could keep on counting your guy’s shortcomings and tell yourself how unhappy he has made you. You believe that you have tried to communicate your feelings and passion but he was too engrossed in his work to pay you due attention.
It’s your choice to walk away from a man you believe you no longer love. You have a job and options in life because you are still young and attractive. There are other men who are available. But you must not delude yourself that life can be so much better for a divorcee with a young child.
Sometimes, it is important to take stock of what we have and count our blessings. See the good qualities in your man. Help him when he has problems, talk to him when he seems stuck. Support him when he needs you and do not begrudge sharing what you have. You are family, husband and wife. Do not be too sensitive and calculating or you will always feel that you’re getting the short end of the stick.
When you are less bitter and discontented, you may feel more inclined to fight for your marriage again. Tell your husband some truths. He must be aware that sex and emotional intimacy are important in your marriage. Warn him, do not hold back your feelings. A man can be so blur.
Give your marriage the chance it deserves. If it doesn’t work, leave. You have done your best. Take on the next path but do not feel self-pity, gloom and doom. Only you can fail yourself.
I like to get intimate with my husband and have made many such attempts. Sometimes I succeed, but many times I fail. Take a simple thing like getting him to pay attention to me: he always can’t wait to get back to his laptop.
After all these years, the only thing he does that I appreciate is that he is willing to take care of our daughter. When I think of him as my husband, I feel like crying.
Once, I told him to look for someone to love and who will love him. He said he still loved me very much, even though he didn’t show it. Words but no action? Does this make him someone I can trust?
Whenever I tell my close friends about my problem, they judge me because my husband gives the impression that he is a nice guy. I am a woman who needs to be understood. Most of the time I even help him out financially although I earn much less than him. I feel very insecure and hopeless.
I had been ignoring my feelings because I didn’t want to believe that I could fall out of love with my husband. The more I tried, the more pain I felt. The worst thing was that I began seeing a married man. He used to be the sweetest man I’d ever met; he gave me hope and a sense of living like a woman. He loved me like a woman and did everything to make me feel better.
But good things never last. When he found out that his wife was pregnant, he felt bad and decided to be a good father.
I want to live better, but my heart aches. I have to be happy in front of my daughter, and that’s so suffocating. Many times I cry and pray to god to take me away.
Doomed
YOU are doomed because you wish it. You have been feeling so sorry for yourself, wallowing in pain and grief because of your dull, empty marriage and failed affair. No one understands and even God has not answered your prayer for death. You feel alone and miserable as your tears fall unheard and your pain goes unheeded.
Maybe you should stop thinking of yourself for a while. Your daughter is only a year old and needs a warm, loving mother. Your husband needs a wife who understands that he has work and career concerns. If he has been oblivious to your charms and attention, perhaps he is just working hard to give you the financial security you expect.
As you have found out, few would feel sorry for you. Your husband is a nice guy, a good father who loves you and your child. Certainly, he has his faults for he has failed to recognise your emotional and physical needs. But he hasn’t been playing around and his greatest mistake was neglecting you when you needed him most.
However, you have sufficient reasons to leave and even a good enough excuse to have an affair. You could keep on counting your guy’s shortcomings and tell yourself how unhappy he has made you. You believe that you have tried to communicate your feelings and passion but he was too engrossed in his work to pay you due attention.
It’s your choice to walk away from a man you believe you no longer love. You have a job and options in life because you are still young and attractive. There are other men who are available. But you must not delude yourself that life can be so much better for a divorcee with a young child.
Sometimes, it is important to take stock of what we have and count our blessings. See the good qualities in your man. Help him when he has problems, talk to him when he seems stuck. Support him when he needs you and do not begrudge sharing what you have. You are family, husband and wife. Do not be too sensitive and calculating or you will always feel that you’re getting the short end of the stick.
When you are less bitter and discontented, you may feel more inclined to fight for your marriage again. Tell your husband some truths. He must be aware that sex and emotional intimacy are important in your marriage. Warn him, do not hold back your feelings. A man can be so blur.
Give your marriage the chance it deserves. If it doesn’t work, leave. You have done your best. Take on the next path but do not feel self-pity, gloom and doom. Only you can fail yourself.
<< Home