Missing the message
IS technology good for us? Or are people misusing the cell phone, instant chat systems, or even e-mail?
I am in my late 40s. Two months ago, I began to notice changes in my wife, who is able to go to the gym regularly because she works from home. After her workouts, she will sit by her laptop and behave “strangely” – like giggling and smiling as she types messages.
Whenever I ask what is so funny, she just brushes me aside. She even takes her cell phone to the bathroom and sends a lot of SMS messages from there.
One evening I checked her laptop and found MSN messages from a married guy. They have been swapping pictures and making bitchy remarks about their spouses to each other. There were even suggestions to meet up.
I checked her cell phone and found that they have been exchanging SMS messages too. Is this what we call “privacy” and “own space” in a marriage? How do I tell her that I don’t want a gatal wife?
I find that technology is contributing to sex crime and affecting marriages. Tell me: Is writing e-mails, sending SMS messages and chatting with the opposite sex a crime?
Unhappy Khoo
DON’T blame technology as we have the choice to use or abuse what we have. Drugs and cigarettes kill but so many of us refuse to give up them up.
You feel it’s a crime that your wife is writing e-mails and sending messages to a man. You suspect an affair, but you can’t speak your mind. She has been shutting you out and it is difficult to understand her need to share her thoughts and secret jokes with someone else. So you hit out at technology and name it the culprit. Perhaps you are afraid that the root cause stems from failure in your marriage.
Do not fear the truth or you will never find the solution. If you choose to believe that your wife is “gatal” and is seeking love and attention elsewhere, your marriage will break down. Perhaps she has just found a guy friend to share things with. The touch of secrecy and the daily communication with someone who seems to understand is thrilling and fun when life seems empty, boring and predictable.
Instead of finding fault, ask if you can spice up your relationship with your wife. Fuming and feeling agitated will not get her back into your arms. Are you game to SMS and e-mail her, or date and woo her all over again? Would you dare send her naughty messages and make her laugh?
Talk to your wife. Be honest but do not accuse. Let her know your hurt when she shuts you out. Tell her that you love her and are afraid of losing her to her e-mail buddy. She, too, must not take you for granted. It is not right that she spends too much time chatting with another, or sends messages in the toilet because it all smacks of an emotional affair.
I am in my late 40s. Two months ago, I began to notice changes in my wife, who is able to go to the gym regularly because she works from home. After her workouts, she will sit by her laptop and behave “strangely” – like giggling and smiling as she types messages.
Whenever I ask what is so funny, she just brushes me aside. She even takes her cell phone to the bathroom and sends a lot of SMS messages from there.
One evening I checked her laptop and found MSN messages from a married guy. They have been swapping pictures and making bitchy remarks about their spouses to each other. There were even suggestions to meet up.
I checked her cell phone and found that they have been exchanging SMS messages too. Is this what we call “privacy” and “own space” in a marriage? How do I tell her that I don’t want a gatal wife?
I find that technology is contributing to sex crime and affecting marriages. Tell me: Is writing e-mails, sending SMS messages and chatting with the opposite sex a crime?
Unhappy Khoo
DON’T blame technology as we have the choice to use or abuse what we have. Drugs and cigarettes kill but so many of us refuse to give up them up.
You feel it’s a crime that your wife is writing e-mails and sending messages to a man. You suspect an affair, but you can’t speak your mind. She has been shutting you out and it is difficult to understand her need to share her thoughts and secret jokes with someone else. So you hit out at technology and name it the culprit. Perhaps you are afraid that the root cause stems from failure in your marriage.
Do not fear the truth or you will never find the solution. If you choose to believe that your wife is “gatal” and is seeking love and attention elsewhere, your marriage will break down. Perhaps she has just found a guy friend to share things with. The touch of secrecy and the daily communication with someone who seems to understand is thrilling and fun when life seems empty, boring and predictable.
Instead of finding fault, ask if you can spice up your relationship with your wife. Fuming and feeling agitated will not get her back into your arms. Are you game to SMS and e-mail her, or date and woo her all over again? Would you dare send her naughty messages and make her laugh?
Talk to your wife. Be honest but do not accuse. Let her know your hurt when she shuts you out. Tell her that you love her and are afraid of losing her to her e-mail buddy. She, too, must not take you for granted. It is not right that she spends too much time chatting with another, or sends messages in the toilet because it all smacks of an emotional affair.
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