Still time to make amends
I’M in my mid fifties now. Once, I had a happy family. I was the breadwinner, Ann was a housewife while our son was a happy-go-lucky child. We led an average and comfortable life.
Then, 12 years ago, I became involved with a female colleague at work.
The involvement destroyed my family. My wife died in an accident and my only child does not respect and care for me.
Jean was about 10 years younger than Ann and I. She was a married woman with a kid, still attractive and sexy.
At first it was the usual morning greetings followed by group lunch, company outings and then team assignments. Soon we got to know each other better and our conversations developed from work to spouse, kid, parents, our hobbies and even dreams.
Later when Jean had marital issues with her spouse, I gave her moral support and advice. In time she called me after work on my mobile. We usually chatted at night when our spouses and kids were asleep.
In those moments, I felt excited, I felt young again.
She understood the nature and pressure of our work, which I felt Ann did not understand.
One night, while we were chatting, Ann picked up the other phone and overheard Jean asking if I 'd be willing to leave my wife for her.
Ann confronted me and I denied having any feelings for Jean. After that, my family's happy world crumbled as Ann was always suspicious.
Her direct approach angered me and I returned to my parents' home.
I badmouthed Ann, saying that she was ugly, unfaithful and not respectful of my family and I regretted marrying her.
I was very happy to be with my parents and brother and his family. I was able to do anything I wanted – come home late, smoke and curse – and still my family treated me like a king.
After several months, I received a phone call, informing me that Ann had died in an accident while fetching our son, who witnessed the accident.
It seemed that Ann had been deep in thought while crossing the road and did not notice a car coming.
After Ann’s death, I sold our house and stayed with my parents and brother and his family.
My son was down most of the time and did not get along with my family. Despite his unhappiness, he did well in school and was eventually was offered scholarships to study in Singapore and, later, Britain.
Today, my son is successful and lives in England. He comes back every year to visit his mum’s grave on the anniversary of her death.
Each time, he will gave me some money for medical treatment (I had suffered a stroke) but refuses to spend time with me.
My son blames me for the death of his mother.
He had heard me verbally abuse his mum and he disliked my irresponsibility and excuses, which spurred him to do well in his studies so that he could right the wrongs I had done to the family.
To make me feel guilty, my son has said he will not marry because he does not want to be an adulterer like me.
I do not blame my son for his resentment but pray that he will live a peaceful and happy life. I pray for forgiveness from my wife, may her soul rest in peace.
My chance of making things right is long gone. When I had the opportunity to make amends, I did not because of pride and ego. Today, when all I want is to be able to hug my family and assure them of my love, they are beyond my reach.
Now at this old age, each day seems too long. I am waiting to be reunited with my late wife. Hopefully, death will come soon so that I do not have to endure this pain any longer.
Old and lost soul
DO not give up on love so easily.
You still have a son within reach. He loves you enough to give you money for your medical needs. If he does not care about you, he would not have bothered to keep in touch.
Reach out to your child. He is still in pain and until he can forgive you, he is afraid to love.
Have the courage to talk to your son, bare your heart and soul. Show him this letter but take out the self-pity and erase the cowardly wish of death.
The pain of the past has consumed both your lives. It is so futile for both of you to punish yourselves for 12 years over past mistakes and misdeeds.
You are a sad, empty shell of a man in your fifties. Your son is a bitter, angry man trapped in the misery of trying to get back at those he believed caused his mother’s pain and eventual death. He wants to think that hurting you and ignoring your family is justified.
All this should end. Your son has his reasons but he is wrong in his crusade to hurt and punish. He is now his worst enemy for he has lost the courage to love.
Sure, you were the main culprit in the past but you realised your mistakes and have been trying to make amends.
Move out of your brother’s house if you feel used and abused.
Go to your son if he refuses to come to you. Hug him and tell him you love him. Talk to him. Clear up the past. You should not be wishing for death so soon. Your son should not be single and alone because of his father’s deeds.
Then, 12 years ago, I became involved with a female colleague at work.
The involvement destroyed my family. My wife died in an accident and my only child does not respect and care for me.
Jean was about 10 years younger than Ann and I. She was a married woman with a kid, still attractive and sexy.
At first it was the usual morning greetings followed by group lunch, company outings and then team assignments. Soon we got to know each other better and our conversations developed from work to spouse, kid, parents, our hobbies and even dreams.
Later when Jean had marital issues with her spouse, I gave her moral support and advice. In time she called me after work on my mobile. We usually chatted at night when our spouses and kids were asleep.
In those moments, I felt excited, I felt young again.
She understood the nature and pressure of our work, which I felt Ann did not understand.
One night, while we were chatting, Ann picked up the other phone and overheard Jean asking if I 'd be willing to leave my wife for her.
Ann confronted me and I denied having any feelings for Jean. After that, my family's happy world crumbled as Ann was always suspicious.
Her direct approach angered me and I returned to my parents' home.
I badmouthed Ann, saying that she was ugly, unfaithful and not respectful of my family and I regretted marrying her.
I was very happy to be with my parents and brother and his family. I was able to do anything I wanted – come home late, smoke and curse – and still my family treated me like a king.
After several months, I received a phone call, informing me that Ann had died in an accident while fetching our son, who witnessed the accident.
It seemed that Ann had been deep in thought while crossing the road and did not notice a car coming.
After Ann’s death, I sold our house and stayed with my parents and brother and his family.
My son was down most of the time and did not get along with my family. Despite his unhappiness, he did well in school and was eventually was offered scholarships to study in Singapore and, later, Britain.
Today, my son is successful and lives in England. He comes back every year to visit his mum’s grave on the anniversary of her death.
Each time, he will gave me some money for medical treatment (I had suffered a stroke) but refuses to spend time with me.
My son blames me for the death of his mother.
He had heard me verbally abuse his mum and he disliked my irresponsibility and excuses, which spurred him to do well in his studies so that he could right the wrongs I had done to the family.
To make me feel guilty, my son has said he will not marry because he does not want to be an adulterer like me.
I do not blame my son for his resentment but pray that he will live a peaceful and happy life. I pray for forgiveness from my wife, may her soul rest in peace.
My chance of making things right is long gone. When I had the opportunity to make amends, I did not because of pride and ego. Today, when all I want is to be able to hug my family and assure them of my love, they are beyond my reach.
Now at this old age, each day seems too long. I am waiting to be reunited with my late wife. Hopefully, death will come soon so that I do not have to endure this pain any longer.
Old and lost soul
DO not give up on love so easily.
You still have a son within reach. He loves you enough to give you money for your medical needs. If he does not care about you, he would not have bothered to keep in touch.
Reach out to your child. He is still in pain and until he can forgive you, he is afraid to love.
Have the courage to talk to your son, bare your heart and soul. Show him this letter but take out the self-pity and erase the cowardly wish of death.
The pain of the past has consumed both your lives. It is so futile for both of you to punish yourselves for 12 years over past mistakes and misdeeds.
You are a sad, empty shell of a man in your fifties. Your son is a bitter, angry man trapped in the misery of trying to get back at those he believed caused his mother’s pain and eventual death. He wants to think that hurting you and ignoring your family is justified.
All this should end. Your son has his reasons but he is wrong in his crusade to hurt and punish. He is now his worst enemy for he has lost the courage to love.
Sure, you were the main culprit in the past but you realised your mistakes and have been trying to make amends.
Move out of your brother’s house if you feel used and abused.
Go to your son if he refuses to come to you. Hug him and tell him you love him. Talk to him. Clear up the past. You should not be wishing for death so soon. Your son should not be single and alone because of his father’s deeds.