Odious parents?

I’M 20 and am having problems with my parents. I seem to hate them more and more.
Dad, 56, loves asking questions that don’t makes sense at all, over and over again. When business is bad, mum throws tantrums, cries and says that we don’t care about her. She has even threatened suicide. Recently, they scolded me because of a customer.
I always tell dad that I’ll put them in an old folk’s home one day. I plan to emigrate, and not take them with me. I know I can’t do this. What is wrong with me?
Fading Love

HOW would you feel if your child threatened to dump you in a retirement home? You may have good reasons to feel aggravated, but such a threat is unfair punishment for parents who have raised you the best way they know how.
In your heart, you know you are wrong. However, you seem to be consumed by anger and frustration. Your parents appear to provoke you with their every action. You feel you hate them because everything they do is wrong in your eyes. Dad is annoyingly repetitive and mum upsets you with her tears and accusations.
Think about the reasons behind their behaviour. Dad asks too many questions; could it be that he cares too much about you? Mum is constantly crying suicide and wailing about her woes, when business is bad. But could it be that she’s worried about money?
Instead of thinking about how you feel, it’s about time you show more concern for your parents. Ask yourself if you have always been right. If you were rude to a customer, was your mother wrong to chastise you? What will happen to all of you if bad business affects the family’s financial situation?
Learn understanding and patience. Do not let things get on your nerves just because you are annoyed and irritated. Run away, leave home if you feel this is only way to feel better about your life. But don’t go running back for love, comfort and support when you find that the world out there is as cold and selfish as you.

Selfish love

I met P seven years ago and we started a relationship. I enjoy his company and the attention he gives me.
I’ve been divorced for almost 10 years and have a son, whom I raised as a single parent. P is in his late 50s, about six years my senior. Initially, he never told me about his personal problems.
Then two years ago, I received a call from his wife warning me to leave him. I confronted P; he said he had no more feelings for her and they no longer slept together. They have two grown-up children.
P continued to see me after that. I have tried breaking up with him, but he has asked me to be patient because his wife wants to file for divorce. I find it hard to reject P, who says he really loves me.
His wife keeps phoning me at my workplace. I have denied everything and even challenged her to provide evidence to back her accusations. Each time l complain to P about these calls, he would console me.
I may be selfish, but after all these years, I have hope that P is serious about our relationship. I do not regret having him around and I don’t care how others look at me. P chose to be with me so his wife should not blame me for breaking up their marriage. Even if he were not involved with me, he might be with another woman.
Not Guilty

THERE should be no guilt in your need for love and happiness. Why are you trying to justify sharing another woman’s husband?
When there are three parties involved, you will have to admit responsibility. It does not matter that your guy no longer sleeps with his wife.
You should ask him why he is stuck with a woman he claims not to love. And if he loves you so much, why are you still his mistress, stealing time with him?
His wife is a fool to blame you entirely. Instead, she should confront her husband about his lying and cheating. You, too, are a fool for believing this man and thinking that his wife is to blame for not being able to keep him in her bed and heart.
Sure, if not you, then there’ll be another woman. But does this really make him a man to trust and sacrifice your dignity for? You can wait another seven years for the divorce to come through. You can make all the excuses for your love.
As long as both of you are happy and can sleep soundly at night, perhaps it does not matter what any one else thinks. Especially his wife and children, victims of a husband who cheats and a father who lies. And does your growing child understand this emotional mess that you shoulder?

I feel stupid

I’M doing an American foundation programme locally. I have to fulfil my sponsor’s requirements (yes, I am a scholar) before I can further my studies in the United States in August. I did quite badly in my second semester. Although the results are better than in my first, I’m nervous because it will determine whether or not I go abroad. I don’t know if I can get the final results required by my sponsor.
It has been my dream to go to the United States since I was five, yet I didn’t work to my full potential. If I fail to qualify, I will disappoint my mum. That is the last thing I want to do.
I used to be a high achiever in school, but I feel so stupid now. I’m not sure if I can do it any more.
Feeling Blue

IF you have completed the final semester of your programme, what else can you do to achieve your dream of going to America? Worrying about disappointing your mother and regretting bad results will not help you at this point.
Some programmes are not based entirely on academic results. Take the initiative to talk this over with your programme sponsor and relevant counsellors. Ask if you can extend the local course and explain your weak performance. Prove your mettle by fighting the weaknesses and get in on your strengths.
Talk to your mother to ease your guilt. You don’t want to disappoint her but you need her understanding and support. When you are lost and floundering, you do not want to feel alone. Toughen your resolve and think of ways to improve your situation. If you can’t get into the programme, what can you do with your life?
Accept changes as challenges, not failure. Sometimes, you can get worn out pushing yourself to succeed. You and your family may have such high expectations that your mind fails to cope. Learn to pace yourself so that you do not burn out.
Measure success through your achievements. You are young and should be brimming with zest and zeal. There is always something else you can do if this doesn’t work out. Be positive and confident. Never feel that you have failed yourself or loved ones just because you made a few mistakes in life.